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Seeds

January 12, 2015: I wanna live with you for ever and ever. Is that weird? I feel like it hasn't been long enough to feel this way. I hope this gets the time it needs to develop; I'm afraid it will be cut short somehow. I've never felt like this before. I'm so in it. I love you.
April 28, 2010: Have you ever just had this burning feeling in your throat, so that you can't deny the pain...and then you want to scream 'why why why?' and tear out your hair and cry, because you can't help but feel anger and pity and the need for just ONE MORE TRY...but all you can do is shrivel up inside and just wait silently to die?
February 4, 2010: I'm waiting for the chance to move, to feel like I don't owe anyone anything and to be completely free and unto myself and my own will.
February 2, 2010: - More than anything, I want to know what you dream about. I want to remember what you don't remember. I want to see what you have seen.; - There's part of me that wishes everything were easy, that I could go back in time and change things; then there's the part of me that knows it will never happen, and that if it did, I wouldn't change a thing.
December 22, 2009: I'm so in the dark, and I don't want to be. It makes my heart race and burn...can't you just explain what is happening around me so that I can finally get some peace?
December 15, 2009: Life isn't easy, like I want it to be, and life isn't crazy, like I want it to be, and life isn't perfect, like I want it to be, and life isn't fun, like I want it to b; maybe I can force it to be just as I want it to be, but that's not what it is...is it?
December 14, 2009: And I said to him: I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK, I WANT TO BE THIN; I wish I didn't care. I wish I did.
December 12, 2009: And I finally understand why it's 'the thought that counts' because imperfection is so natural, it I cannot live without. Et après tous, je comprends pourquoi on doit pensé et l'imperfection du monde reél m'a donnée de la vie
November 21, 2009: Winter came on fast baby feet; Each white window is home
November 19, 2009: Though you know what you did was wrong and I know I could have played along, no matter how much I wish you wouldn't have, I've found to not regret my hate I couldn't have.
October 1, 2009: I walk with an old friend, through the rain, with the ducks. I turn my head, to ask him the names of trees, but he has chosen to walk silently.
August 20, 2009: Don't pretend you couldn't see it coming; when the memory fades...all lines can be erased.
August 13, 2009: Give me your heart, sweet one; Not so I can keep it, Rather, Give it back, Piece by piece, Each word enveloped in sweet sounds, Cool and light upon your cheek.
Circa 2009:
: - I would rather do nothing than do anything at all; - ...but then your worries inevitably come back in the middle of your reverie and, like an acorn falling from the tree overhead, smack you so hard in the face that you want to cry.; - I will finally be complete when I realize that I don't need to change to love myself. and even though I know it's right I can't yet bring myself to feel it.; - There is something fundamentally unspectacular about it all. I almost expected fireworks and fanfare, people patting us on the back, throwing us parties maybe; you know, to celebrate. I'm too bored for that though, too slow, too gross for parties. I don't hardly know what's happening anymore.; - And that's why I lay awake night after night just pondering, worrying, that what I really wanted was wrong to feel, and that I should just wait it out. Like denying myself would merit some sort of grand feeling. Reality almost makes me want that silly fairy tale to be true.; - Everybody's flying by the seat of their pants, but some people are in the position to pretend that they know what the hell's happening. And make everyone else listen to them.; - That's how disgusting it is being a teenager. Just perilous. It takes a tremendous amount of courage just to live.

Stems

May 18, 2011: This is all that needs to be said: What he is is a man whore; man-whores do not deserve quality. Which is why I have, despite my (thankfully ever-dwindling) sadness, decided to no longer give a fuck. Let it be know, and let it be remembered, that this was the day I finally did what I should have done on day 1 and decided to no longer give a fuck.
December 21, 2009: Why do you have to take it when you go? What's my happiness got to do with you? Why do I have to share it? Only to have you steal it away from me...taking more than your share...you greedy little thing...you have a lot to learn about men's hearts, and God only knows I wish that I could do worse by you than you've done by me. But who could hurt that sweet, innocent face? 'What scoundrel did this?' they'd ask. And I'd stare in their eyes and laugh...and laugh...and laugh. See what it'd be like to be you, while you be me, and all that confounded, illogical, miss-sense that you thrive on. Why do you love to hurt me so?
October 8, 2009: The only story I can remember vividly enough about Katie is when she told me, after seeing an under painting for my latest painting, that she 'liked it' and 'thought it would turn out great.' These quotes, by themselves, say very little, but I think that the mere fact that I remember them means that I highly respect Katie's opinion. She's someone who means exactly what she says and is, for the most part, completely honest and serious about her opinion. Besides her incredible artistic ability, I think her straightforward sincerity is the thing I most appreciate about Katie.
October 3, 2009: - Through some AIM conversations we've had, of which I don't remember the exact wording, I have learned that Janaye is, on the whole, a very confident person, who is comfortable with herself just as she is. This came as a kind of surprise to me, because I knew that she used to get nervous and self-conscious when too much attention was drawn to her, but the way she deals with day-to-day life has taught me that you don't have to like attention in order to be comfortable and confident. Janaye knows what she's good at, and she's very good at selling herself. You can tell from just her wardrobe that she has found her personality in these turbulent high school years, and has made herself at home in her own skin, which I find particularly admirable.; - There is one main thing that anyone can say about Mariel, and that is that she knows exactly what she wants. She may be borderline stubborn sometimes, but the minute her goal is set, she catches hold of it Old Man and the Sea-style and follows it wherever it may go. She seems to be near-bursting with ideas, constantly creating art and projects for herself. Perhaps as a product of her perfectionism, her straightforward approach to dealing with problems and people is the characteristic most often connected with her.
Circa 2009:: - I would like to think that the person I am orbiting needs me just as much as I need them, and that they are changing just as much as I am. Maybe the someone I am is someone I have always been, and I have existed long before any instance, but that existence was just as meaningless as this one is, and that someone was just as ill-defined as I am. But then again, I have never thought of myself as different from anyone else. I have always felt that I am part of the whole.